We decided that it was time to buy a potty for Asher to have around the house to start warming him to the eventual prospect of using that in place of his boring old diapers. Of course I went about this in my usual fashion and googled “best potty on the market”.
Ya’ll. It’s a strange, strange world out there. Here’s what I learned in my searching: the training potty has come a long way since my days with it in 1983, parents oddly put pictures on Amazon of their children using potties, companies go to great lengths to not actually talk about anything potty-related in their discussion of potty training, and most importantly, kids in America appear to be incapable of learning to potty unless their toilet seat sings to them. Did you know any of this? I most certainly did not. I have complied my top favorites for you and in an effort to get into the minds of those that get paid to create these amazing contraptions, I’ve tried to put my own spin on the marketing lingo.
Here are my top 3 favorite potties so far taking aesthetics, form, and function into very serious account:
The Potty Scotty Riding Potty Chair:
Have you ever thought that going potty would be a lot more fun if it felt like riding a bike? Then consider the The Potty Scotty Riding Potty Chair! This ergonomically designed potty will provide your son with comfort grip handles for those times when he needs a little extra push and will additionally inspire a life-long love multi-tasking on the go!
Prince Potty Chair:
Enjoy introducing your little prince to his kingdom with Prince Potty Chair! With a lid that masquerades as a regular seat, this cleverly designed throne will fit right in with your living room decor and will not in any way teach your child that all wooden seats actually have hidden potties under them! Added bonus? Your little prince will enjoy hours of entertainment unrolling the conveniently attached roll of toilet paper and spreading it all over his royal court.
And finally, my absolute favorite:
The Jack Potty:
Worried that your child might gamble and lose? Well look no further than the Jack Potty! This light up potty* will guarantee that your little risk taker feels like he’s hit it big as soon as his or her little tushie makes contact! Added bonus? Whenever your toddler succeeds, the whole family can join together in yelling Jack Potty! before moving on to the black jack table conveniently located in the family room.
*baked in cigarette smell and demoralizing sense of futility not included
I could go on, but the Jack Potty seems to say it all, doesn’t it?
One of my favorite things about the whole search process is how desperately ambiguous the language is surrounding the potties. It’s as if the entire industry has forgotten that parents are up to their eye balls in poop 24-7 and that we are much more likely to purchase a potty that is sold on its merits for containing the goods than its ability to ribbit when your child walks into the bathroom. One thing that I read said, “Toddlers are rewarded for contributions with 4 fun musical sounds”. Contributions? I’m not entirely sure that I want Asher to think that’s how he’s contributing around the house, you know?
Another fantastically ambiguous sentence about a particular potty said something like, “holds up to 50 lbs.” which promptly caused me to make this face:
before realizing that they were talking about the size of the child it would support and not…um…the potty’s capacity.
In the end, we went with this boring old (but honestly, kind of cute) Baby Bjorn potty with the understanding that when we start potty training in earnest, we very well may end up with some kind of singing, sticker dispensing, panini making training toilet, because if parenting teaches you anything, it teaches you to check your ego at the door and go with what works. We’ll see. I will tell you this though: when that fateful day comes, keep an ear out, because I’m pretty sure that you’re going to be able to hear us yell JACK POTTY!! no matter where you are.
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